You have no scars on your face, and you cannot handle pressure

Over the past few days I've started to become overly paranoid about sitting for the California bar exam this July.... and like first year of law school, I've decided the best way to deal with the stress is by posting (venting). At the very least, those of you who know me well enough to call will understand why over the next few months I won't be returning your calls, or when to send flowers to my mother if I inadvertently kill myself while falling asleep while smoking in bed studying multiple choice questions.

Initially I wasn't overly concerned about the California bar... I was worried to some extent, but also knew that my insane studying habits and paranoia about failing would drive me to study enough to get a passing score. However, a few weeks ago I was out in California to locate an apartment, and had dinner with a friend of mine that was a fellow summer associate. She indicated that she was going to be taking the PMBR in addition to the Bar Bri course. For some reason I had always assumed that PMBR was some sort of ghetto Bar Bri... as it's only a 3 or 6 day course, I figured that those who took it just didn't want to shell out the extra money to take a more complete course. After talking with her and a few other people, I discovered that it supplements the Bar Bri course and in some cases can be really helpful. Not that that changes much for me... I graduate on the 12th of May, and Bar Bri starts a week later. The PMBR course is being during the week in between, and I'll likely be in the middle of Nebraska driving my Saturn cross country to LA at that time. But now that I can't take it, I really want to. Or at least get the books.

So that was a few weeks ago... flash forward Monday of this week, when I was sitting through another painful discussion in BA Corps. The prof. typically finds it more useful to ask about 20 of my fellow classmates what they *think* the result should have been in a given case, rather than teaching us what the result actually *means*. (Keep in mind that most of these cases don't even involve any hot button issue that would yield any sort of emotive response.) Anyways, I'm usually put off by this sort of approach to teaching, as it requires nothing more than soliciting opinions from the few fuck-tards in the class who feel the need to suck up a little bit, but my discomfort turned into a mild rage when I realized I know little to nothing about the substantive law in that course, and it will be on the bar exam. (At one point, I was asked my opinion on a case... I remarked that I didn't really have one. The prof. then felt it necessary to tell the class that I was going to make an awful attorney. My quick response to that, which didn't go over to well, was the following: "Who's paying me?" I haven't been asked to opine again.) 3 years of law school for this? And I'm even less prepared for the bar than I would have been had I stayed at home reading a treatise on tort law. Sad.

As the prof. continued to get a feel for how the class would handle the case, I turned to looking up more on the California Bar... double check which topics are tested, the formats, the hotel information, etc. I then came across a few blogs - including this one. As I scrolled through a few posts, I realized that he had started studying already. Actually, he has been studying for awhile. Nothing too aggressive, but just going through a few books and listening to the PMBR CD's on first year subjects. I, on the other hand, have been sitting at Perkins until all hours of the morning, and then coming home to watch Jericho and Studio 60 on my computer. I have been told by most of the people I work for and the few people I know that have sat for the bar to not study for it until after school lets out, and that Bar Bri will teach me everything I need to know. It's practically a mantra. But this blogger got me worried, for a few reasons. First, the people giving me advice have all sat for the Minnesota bar - where the passage rate is significantly higher than that in California. Second, my retention skills are sub-par. I did well in law school, but I honestly read most of the cases 3 times, still brief and highlight in technicolor. I shouldn't be getting advice from those who took the exam here, and I shouldn't assume that just because I did well in school means I have any recall as to what the elements of negligence are now.

So I left BA Corps, and headed off to a few bookstores to try to find a few bar prep books with absolutely no success. I've since ordered Strategies and Tactics for the MBE, which is due to arrive Friday, and the entire PMBR audio set which will now occupy most of my time on the drive out to California. Both of these have been suggested in other blogs, and thankfully when I spend money on study aids I tend to calm down a bit. I also booked a room at the hotel where the bar will be given, to avoid the nasty commute from downtown LA to Century City while I'm sitting for the bar. I thought about adding in a chocolate dipped strawberries as part of my room-request, but ultimately decided against it as my bar stipend from the firm doesn't exactly cover $24 treats.

It's going to be a fun ride. And by fun, I mean the most horrific experience of my life. Here goes nothing.

*** Update: With apologies to Biff, I've changed the "she" to "he" -- I think I inadvertantly confused him with the writer of A Girl Walks Into A Bar (Exam). My bad.